April 12th, 2010How To Build Relationships Not Enemies In Your Circle
Each time that you begin a new job, move to a new location, or simply feel the need to branch out in your social life, you will need to use the important skills and subtleties involved in fostering new relationships. You won’t want to become best friends with every person you encounter, of course. But a friendly rapport with the people around you makes and environment more relaxed. When you build relationships not enemies, you are more likely to have people to turn to if you need help. Whether you are working on a new project on the job, or painting your house, it is always useful to have people around that can help you. Here are some pointers for how to do that.
Introductions
Names are extremely important to the development of a relationship. Although it is certainly possible to have a friendly rapport with someone whose name you do not know, names make the relationship much more personal. When you meet someone, introduce yourself by name and ask them what their name is. I always have trouble remembering a name when I initially learn it, so I try to repeat it three or four times, either in my head or in conversation. I try to mention that person’s name a few times afterward, and then greet them by name.
Show Interest
Let the person know that you are interested in what they do in other areas of life. If they are your coworker, find out about their home life. If they are a neighbor, ask what they do for a job or for recreation. Do not go overboard with your inquisitiveness, and this often comes off as nosy, creepy, or fake. Just let them know that you have a healthy interest in getting to know them.
Tell Them About Yourself
If you ask the person about their life but offer no details about your own, they may feel suspicious of your motives. Conversations should flow naturally. When someone else shares a detail, you should share one as well. This will be easier if you have common hobbies or interests. When that happens, relationships are often formed quickly. When you are sharing about yourself, be careful not to share too much too quickly. It is one thing to talk about your interest in gardening, and quite another to discuss in detail your messy divorce.
Keep It Going
After you have made someone’s acquaintance, make sure that you follow up with them. The next time you see them, say hello, and inquire about something that you talked about in your previous conversation. Build a consistently friendly rapport. If, after a few conversations, you genuinely like the person and they seem to like you, consider asking them to go to lunch or to do something else social. Make sure this is genuine, though. Lots of people have strong radar for people who are not genuine or who have ulterior motives.
Most of the people with whom you engage will not end up being your close friends. But it is important to keep up friendly relationships with those people around you. Even a simple hello and goodbye each day can go a long way. When you build relationships not enemies, you make the environment more pleasant for yourself and everyone else.
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